we're slaves

I hate pets.
Fukkin’ cat woke me up at 2 am because he wanted to play. I have a few friends who don’t have any pets, and I wish I was in that circle. I want to give the cats away, but who’d take two retarded cats? This goes to all pets. I don’t care if you’re a dog, a cat, a parrot, a hermit crab, a goldfish, tarantula, etc. All animals belong outside! Period.

Why do I need to lose sleep because an idiot animal wants to play?

In Texas, our German Shepherd, Shep, lived outside. He was never allowed inside. He had a dog house, was only chained up if people came over (does he bite? Um, yes he does). He was a good dog, and a working dog. We had cats and they were working cats. Some were good, and some of them turned feral.

When my friends came over to the ranch, I was never like “oh, its ok, let him sniff you so he knows who you are…” screw that. I hate it when people do that. Out of the safety for my friends, I’d tie him up. He was never neutered, a full grown hairy beast. Sure he was friendly with us, the immediate family, but with others, we had to watch out. German Shepherds are very protective by nature, so anything that he thought as a threat was cause for a bite. He never bit anyone, but he would growl aggressively as a warning. With strange animals that didn’t belong to his menagerie of cats, he would simply kill them.

He did get kicked once by a neighbor’s horse. He was limping for a while and laid low. Probably was lucky he had broken ribs or something. I remember seeing him going next door to harass the horses out of herding instinct.

I never grew up with fukkin fluffy the pest begging for food inside the house. In Mexico, pets were outside. My dad was a registered AKC German Short Haired Pointer breeder. We had Pixie, the female…never allowed inside the house. So from early on, I was thought that pets are not people, and they shouldn’t be treated like people. All puppies were out in their doghouse, with Pixie…then after my sister Isabel was born, my mom convinced my dad to sell all the Pointers. Made life much simpler.

We’re animals, they’re animals, but we’re the intelligent ones…or are we? We give in to easily to furry asshole creatures.

If we lived in the old Neolithic age, I’d have a wolf or something, and that dog would live outside my hut, my cave, etc. He’d know his place in the tribe. He’s a tool and gets rewarded with friendly pats on the head, chases Frisbees made out of turtle shells, and plays dead when I pretend shoot him with my atl atl. If you don’t know what an atl atl is, there’s wikipedia.com.

I am just so worked up still that I lost sleep to a four legged dumbass, again… I can’t let a pet rule my life. That’s why tonight he will be punished by sleeping in the garage. All I will give him to snuggle with will be the wet sponge from the kitchen sink. That’s all he deserves. I hope he gets worms and gets eaten by mice, or angry, vengeful chipmunks.
If you’re concerned for his well being, but not for my mental health, then paypal me $50 and he won’t be punished…but if you do send me $50, then you’re a pussy. A god-damn pussy that gives in to the feelings of stupid pets. GA!

If its your pet, that’s your thing…There’s more to life to being slaves to them, and that’s what we are, slaves to them. The only xmas present the cats are getting are both my middle fingers. I’ll wake them up and say: merry fukkin’ christmas mother fukkers!

Anyway, on with other news…

Last night I slapped on some slicks on the Rock Lobster (I will always recommend Paul, he’s a very cool guy, custom bicycle frame builder, and exceptional guitarist, very open-minded individual). Made it 46/16, and it brought me to work using my own power. I am highly caffeinated right now, and my left eye is still red from the ride. Right eye is twitching from the lack of sleep.

I am giving fixie riding a brake for a few weeks so I get to know it again as a new ride.

The Lobster is a dedicated SS/disc only/700c machine of glorious steel.

Speaking of steel, Gomez posted this on bikeblackribbon.com:

Some thoughts on steel
Well, it's steel, so of course it's good. Ninja swords were made from steel. So you know it kicks ass.

Things ninja swords were not made from:

* aluminum
* carbon fiber
* dead cats.

Other badass things made from steel:

* Guns
* Bombs
* Chuck Norris

Also steel is steely, as in steely eyed. So it gives you some good mojo, you can defeat your enemies with your demeanor.

In a pinch, steel can be magnetized, macgyver style, which might get you out of a fix if you had to turn your bike into a giant compass or something.

Also steel rusts, which is handy, because it's a good indicator when you need to buy a new bike. Since the only way a steel bike can be destroyed is by rust, and chromoly rusts really slowly, they last a long time. When the rust goes all the way through the tube, you know it's shot. Aluminum and carbon fiber don't do this, they just break, usually when you're riding down a volcano at 200 mph being chased by pirates who are mad at you for being a ninja.

Steel is real. Aluminum is real too, it just doesn't rhyme.

I didn't write this.....I lifted it from another discussion board.....it made me laugh, so I thought I'd share it with you good and kind gnome garglers.

So true and awesome!

The Lobster is not light, but it is fast when propelled by me, Ernesto from Wisconsin, licensed dragon slayer and qualified gnome wrangler.

Oh, and this week marks the 5th time I had a close call with a car. Yup, guy with a cell phone. I got to the stop sign first, and the asswipe managed to ignore me as he was making eye contact, and proceeded to blow the stop sign and turn right…if I had a bazooka on my bike, that would be the bee’s wax wouldn’t it? Ok mofo, look on the rearview…right. I’d get so busted by the FBI or UPS…

That’s why this blog thing is called Shit & SUVs. Its where I can vent and ignore those who try to convince me to take it easy. I do my own reasoning with some eye opening Gomez-esque advice. I sure take on advice from others, analyze it, act on it if I have to.

Why in the world is there one driver per car on average? I wonder how many car sales are done in the USA per day. Must be in the thousands. Don’t give me statistics. Statistics are for anal perfectionists who are afraid of their own shadow. Why am I the only one who rides to and from Oconomowoc to Sussex (34 daily miles)? I see the same cars. I recognize cars, people recognize me…I say “hi” to the lady who walks on HWY K every morning. I see the lady who walks her golden retriever and wave at her (slave to the dog).

Why can’t people be more efficient? More self sufficient? Simple?

At my house, we try to be. We recycle, I do the laundry, clean the cat box daily (slave to the cats)…riding SS is also a reflection of simplicity. Commuting via bike is the same thing…and if there was a reliable public transportation service, I’d take it instead of having to hitch a car ride when the weather is ugly.

Yes, we have an SUV, one car. Not two, or three…or four. One car for one family, for many errands, for simplicity.

I sound like a lecturing bitch now…

I’m tired.